One Undefeated; It's not Ohio State
Today consisted of laundry, lunch, coffee and a vegan scone at Mother Fool's accompanied by overhearing late-30s fertility discussions across the room, and boiled brats with veggies steamed and fried in oil and served with brown rice. I read more from House of Leaves while doing the laundry but had little inspiration while doodling later. Thus I dedicate myself to mocking spam, noting a few URLs, and contemplating data modeling. The college football season came to an end. Finally.
It is difficult getting by as a mere graduate student, a teaching assistant and at times lecturer. Few indeed are the days when neither wolves, the cold, nor debt collectors are nipping at one's heels, and while we scholars are truly and duly dedicated to our vocations, unlike monks we have taken no vows of poverty or chastity. It is true that the online world cannot aid in the latter, but once again I present evidence that transitioning from rags to riches is only an email away.
My CONTRACTUAL/INHERITANCE FUND will take me from pauper to prince, and I am so pleased that a distant, as of yet unknown, and extremely wealthy relative sought me out before his or her death to make me his or her heir. To be gender neutral, perhaps heir could be our new possessive. Heir heir.
Subject: APPROVAL OF PAYMENT FILE.
Date: January 7, 2007 6:24:10 PM CST
ATTN: TO THE BENEFICIARY,
APPROVAL OF YOUR PAYMENT FILE.
FROM THE RECORDS OF OUTSTANDING DEBTS DUE FOR IMMEDIATE PAYMENT. WE HAVE RECEIVED PART OF YOUR PENDING PAYMENT WITH REFERENCE NUMBER (# MAV/RBS/USA/MIN/0019) AMOUNTING TO US $3,700,000.00(THREE MILLION, SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS). THIS MONEY IS FROM YOUR CONTRACTUAL/INHERITANCE FUND FROM OUR ORDERING CONTRACTOR BANK QUOTING REFERENCE TO UNO/WBF LM-05-371. THE SAID PAYMENT IS BEING ARRANGED IN A SECURITY PROOF BOX, WEIGHING 75KG, AND PADDED WITH SYNTHETIC NYLON.
ACCORDING TO INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE BANK'S DATABASE. WE NOTICED THAT YOU HAVE WAITED FOR SO LONG TO RECEIVE THIS PAYMENT WITHOUT SUCCESS. MORESO, WE ALSO CONFIRMED THAT YOU HAVE NOT MET ALL THE STATUTORY REQUIREMENTS TO ENABLE THE RELEASE OF YOUR PENDING PAYMENT. YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO CEASE FURTHER CORRESPONDENCE WITH WHOMEVER HAD CONTACTED YOU PREVIOUSLY IN THIS REGARD AND RESUBMIT YOUR PARTICULARS SUCH AS;
DATE OF BIRTH:____/____/____
HOME PHONE#: ________________
TO OUR PAYMENT CLEARANCE DEPARTMENT FOR THE ONWARD PROCESSING OF THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND. I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR PAYMENT HAS BEING APPROVED BY THE BOARD OF INTERNATIONAL CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WILL BE RELEASED TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL. IN ADDITION, YOUR PAYMENT WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOU ELECTRONICALLY VIA A DIRECT LIVE WIRE TRANSFER FROM OUR INTERNATIONAL FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT. RESPOND THROUGH THE EMAIL ADDRESS BELOW AND USE FOR FURTHER CORRESPENDENCE WITH US.
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This e-mail is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which it is directed. It constitutes non-public information and may contain information subject to certain legal privileges. If you are the intended recipient, your use of any confidential or personal information may be restricted by federal and state privacy laws. Any use of this communication by others is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this e-mail in error, please notify me immediately by replying to sender and delete this e-mail. Thank you.
Mr. Smith Lenox is a fascinating figure I must admit, for with a first name like a last he stands out in a crowd, noble albeit lowercase.
What impressed me most, however, about this bank's professionalism was its insistence upon SYNTHETIC NYLON to pad the SECURITY PROOF BOX (I know, it seems as if that would make the box unable to be secured, but that is just what they want you to believe) that weighs a meager 75KG. As an ardent animal rights activist, I cannot stand to see any more silk worms harmed in the name of all-natural silk.
Courtesy of Jen I have two URLs to pass on:
- Daneben ist nicht vorbei ... about Umberto Eco, his latest work (on translation), and Eco's German translator.
- Adolf auf der Couch ... I would almost call it my movie, for it's the one everybody keeps asking me about ... Mein Führer, the low-brow Hitler comedy directed by Dani Levy and starring Helge Schneider. It has been ten months since I was on the set during the last day of filming.
Random database thoughts:
A simple email database would have one table for the message, which would have fields for From:, To:, Subject:, Date:, and body, along with an ID. Date could be a bit problematic; some of my old messages (which I would want to archive) do not have complete time stamps. Since a message can have multiple attachments, I would make those a separate table, but 1) since it might be nice to incorporate this into a larger project and 2) a given attachment could, possibly, be contained in multiple emails, it makes sense to make a file or similar table, and attachments would combine file and email IDs. A separate email address table could be just ID, email address, and nickname or such; To: and From: fields in the email record would then have to match entries in the email address table. A more complex solution of sorts for a more complete and complex project would deal with a larger address book, in which email addresses are not tied to an individual (since an individual could have more than one address, and an address could be used by more than one person [some sort of communal business/office/departmental address, for example]); in such a case, the email address table would include on an ID and an address, though it might be worthwhile splitting the address into account and domain segments, perhaps even allowing for a protocol field so as to more easily deal with different types of addresses (e.g. old BITNET designations, or intranet messages that do not have a standard domain).
This would integrate with my simple address book, which has a people table (ID, name fields), an address table, IM table, phone table, and email address table (since all the person-contact relationships are many-to-many).
To go to the NY Times for a minute:
- Plagiarism: Everybody Into the Pool: A short review of The Little Book of Plagiarism by Richard A. Posner. Review author McGrath just about blames the profession for the extent of plagiarism and such on campus these days: “No wonder young people are confused, and no wonder they continue to plagiarize in record numbers, with more than 40 percent of college students admitting to copying from the Internet in 2001.” Get caught plagiarizing in my course and fail the assignment. At the least. There should be no confusion.
- How to Speak a Book: A nice essay by Richard Powers, whose Gold Bug Variations I have sitting unread on a shelf across the room. Perambulation and speaking have been dealt with (extensively?) in the literature about reading. I am less certain when it comes to studies of writing. One analog to the examples cited by Powers might very well be Beethoven and his tendencies, so we read, so compose in his mind while on walks. One faculty member suggested, mostly seriously, I believe, that I collect my friends/colleagues, and dictate my dissertation over the course of a weekend.
I am moving up in the world, you see. In the past I had children of rulers emailing me, but never such royalty. If a humble scholar such as I can obtain these wonderful opportunities, imagine what you can do?
Subject: Reply only if you can handle this
Date: January 8, 2007 3:39:09 PM CST
I will save your time by not amplifying my extended Royal Family history, I am Prince Fayad Bolkiah of Brunei, much of our family tussles has already been disseminated by the international media during the controversial dispute that erupted between my father and his stepbrother, the sultan of Brunei Sheik Muda Hassanal Bolkiah. As you may know from the international media, the sultan had accused my father of financial mismanagement and impropriety of US$14.8 billion dollars.
This was as a result of the Asian financial crisis that made my father's company AMEDEO DEVELOPMENT COMPANY (ADC) and government owned BRUNEI INVESTMENT COMPANY (BIC) to be declared bankrupt during his tenure in office. However my father was kept under house arrest, his bank accounts and private properties including a crude oil export refinery were later confiscated by the sultanate. Furthermore during this unfortunate period, I was advised to evacuate my immediate family outside the sultanate to avoid further prosecution from the sultan and his security operatives, but before I could do that I was placed under house arrest by the Sultan and I had no access to phone, but I have a Palm V hand-held computer from which I am sending you this mail as some of the guards here are still loyal to me.
Before my incaceration, I went ahead to dispatch some disguised fund out of Brunei with the assistance of a foreign diplomat who now resides in Europe.
On declaration of a genuine interest to assist me safe guard these funds as you are in the clear, I will let you know the necessary steps you shall be parting with a share of these fund once you can carryout this successfully.
Abide by absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while looking forward to your prompt reply towards a swift conclusion of this business transaction.
Prince Fayad Bolkiah.
I must admit my cowardice; I was not able to handle it and thus did not reply.
In addition to the “Palm V hand-held computer from which” His Excellency emailed me, His Excellency has other technological means at his disposal to aid him in evading the Sultan's security operatives, such as a Russian email address. That is obfuscation, I tell you.
I was also pleasantly—or is that peasantly?—surprised to see that although our dearest Prince Fayad Bolkiah is royalty, he identifies with the common man, for why else would he refer to me as Dear Comrade?
I eagerly await the revolution.
—January 8 2007