S.KRAUSE

Beer Words of Wisdom

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
  --Frank Zappa
• Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  --Ernest Hemmingway
• Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
  --Winston Churchill
• He was a wise man who invented beer.
  --Plato
• Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
  --Catherine Zandonella
• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
  --W.C. Fields
• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
  --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill;
  --His reply, Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
  --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill; Sir, you're drunk!
  --Winston Churchill to Lady Astor; Yes, Madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
• If God had not intended us to drink beer, He would not have given us stomachs.
  --David Daye
• Work is the curse of the drinking class.
  --Oscar Wilde
• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
  --Henny Youngman
• Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  --Benjamin Franklin
• If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
  --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
  --Dave Barry
• The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
  --Humphrey Bogart
• Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
  --David Moulton (No more warm beer for Teddy)
• People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
  --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
• Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
  --Kaiser Wilhelm
• I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
  --Homer Simpson
• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
  --Dave Barry
• I drink to make other people interesting.
  --George Jean Nathan
• They who drink beer will think beer.
  --Washington Irving
• An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
  --For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  --Dean Martin
• All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
  --Homer Simpson
• I swear, I will never drink again....
  --Half the population of the planet earth as they cling to the spinning bed or the porcelain god...
• Bartender.. I'll take another....
  --Same people next friday