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Blonde Jokes

  1. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One. They think the world revolves aroun them.
  2. Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
    Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
  3. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
    To see what was on the other side.
  4. What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
    The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
  5. Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
    More head room!
  6. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
    a. Because they get their heads stuck in the jar.
    b. Because the jars have lids, not zippers.
  7. Why do blondes wear panties?
    To keep their ankles warm.
  8. What do blondes say after making love?
    "Are you boys all on the same team?"
  9. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
    She opens the car door.
  10. What do blondes and turtles have in common?
    Once on their back, they're screwed.
  11. What's the mating call of a blonde?
    "I think I'm drunk!"
  12. What's the mating call of a brunette?
    "Has the blonde gone home yet?"
  13. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
    That's where you wash vegtables.
  14. Why does the blonde have T.G.I.F. written on her tennis shoes?
    Toes Go In First.
  15. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
    They're both empty from the neck up.
  16. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
    Blow in her ear.
  17. How do you get a blondes eyes to sparkle?
    Shine a flashlight in her ear.
  18. What do you call a zit on a blondes butt?
    A brain tumor.
  19. What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
    You can park in a handicapped zone.
  20. How do you make a blonde laugh on a Monday morning?
    Tell her the joke on Friday afternoon.
  21. If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a 20-story building at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
    The brunette. The blond would stop and ask for directions.
  22. How can you tell that a blondes has had a bad day?
    She has a tampon behind her ear, and she doesn't know what she did with her pencil.
  23. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
    "Way to go team!"
  24. How can you tell if a blonde owns a vibrator?
    Chipped teeth.
  25. Why did the blonde have square breasts?
    She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
  26. How can you tell that a blondes been using your computer?
    There's White-out all over the screen.
  27. Why do blondes have so much free time?
    Because so little is expected of them.
  28. What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
    An interpreter.
  29. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
    Three. One to mix the batter, two to peel the M&Ms.
  30. How do you drive a blonde insane?
    Ask her to alphabetize your M&Ms.
  31. How do you keep a blonde baby amused?
    Give her a mirror and some makeup.
  32. What do you call a blonde wearing a brunette wig?
    Artificial intelligence.
  33. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on top of her head?
    All you can eat for under a buck.
  34. Why is it so difficult for a blonde to get a driver's license?
    They can't reach the pedals from the back seat.
  35. How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None. They only screw in cars.
  36. What's the difference between a blonde and a Ferrari?
    You can usually find a guy who hasn't been in a Ferrari.
  37. What do you call three blondes standing shoulder to shoulder, ear to ear?
    A wind tunnel.
  38. What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
    She goes home.
  39. Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than a horse?
    So when they're waving in a parade, they won't crap in the street.
  40. How do you tell if a bleached blonde did your landscaping?
    The bush in front is a different color than the other follage.
  41. What did the blonde have tatooed on her inner thigh?
    a. "Welcome home, USS Saratoga."
    b. "Welcome home, troops of Desert Storm."
  42. What's the similarity between a blonde and a plate of Jello?
    They both quiver when you eat them.
  43. What do you call a blonde with a PhD in nuclear engineering?
  44. How does a blonde know that she's slept with an elephant?
    a. The smell of peanuts on his breath,
    b. She's pregnant for 23 months, and
    c. The big 'E' on his pajamas.
  45. What's the best way to murder a blonde?
    Put a mirror on the bottom of the swimming pool.
  46. What's the diference between blondes and whores?
    a. Blondes have more money
    b. Blondes skirts are shorter
    c. Blondes wiggle more when they walk.
  47. What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette whore?
    The color of her hair.
  48. Did you hear about the blonde that liked younger men?
    She started sleeping with Cub Scouts, but her doctor made her quit when she got up to three Packs a day.
  49. Blondes put perfume behind their ears. What do brunettes have to put behind their ears to attract men?
    Their knees.
  50. Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
    Her boy friend was blonde too.
  51. Is it true that blondes have more fun?
    No, but their boy friends do!
  52. What do you call fifteen blondes standing in a circle?
    A dope ring.
  53. If Tarzan and Jane were blondes, what would Cheetah be?
    The smartest of the three.
  54. What would have happened if Pee Wee Herman were blond?
    He would have had somethng better in his hand.
  55. What would the press have called Jeffery Dahmer, if he were blonde?
    That silly psychopathic murderer.
  56. Why is it so hard to teach a blonde to drive?
    a. They keep getting in the back seat, or
    b. they think the steering wheel's a clothes rack.