S.KRAUSE

Things to Do on an Elevator to Help You Win Friends

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dang it; all of you, just shut up!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peeking inside ask,"Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upsidedown.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"
9. Meow occasionally.
10. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
11. Walk on with a cooler that says "HUMAN HEAD inside".
12. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "YOU're one of Them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
13. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask,"Is that your beeper?"
15. Say "DING!" at each floor.
16. Say "I wonder wht all these do" and push the red buttons.
17. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
18. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space".
19. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable hostbody."
20. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
21. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.