In My Day ...

Snappy comebacks to your parents' hard luck stories...

• In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip.
• In my day, attitudes were different. For example, women didn't like sex. At least that is what they told me.
• When I was your age, we didn't have fake doggie-do. We only had real doggie-do, and no one thought it was a damn bit funny.
• Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon.
• In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
• In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out it scraped along the tunnel all the damn way to the Silver Spring station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
• In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
• In my day, we wore our pants up around our armpits. Monstrous wedgies, but we looked snappy.
• In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
• In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.