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Top 16 Little-Known Oscar Nominations

  1. Best Imitation of Acting by a Bad Martial Artist -- Steven Seagal
  2. Best Grip -- Monica Lewinsky
  3. Breast Supporting Actress -- Demi Moore
  4. Actor Slammed Most Often in a Top 5 List -- Pauly Shore
  5. Largest Ego Squeezed Onto a Movie Set -- Val Kilmer
  6. Best Animated Film With No Plans for a Subsequent National Tour With "On Ice" After Its Name -- no nominations this year
  7. Best Use of Erect Nipples in a Feature Length Film to Draw Attention from Face -- Helen Hunt, "As Good As It Gets"
  8. Best Performance by a Baldwin or Wayans -- Alec (again)
  9. Best Performance in a Romance -- Pamela Anderson Lee; Best Animated Long Feature -- Tommy Lee
  10. Best Performance by a Frosty Bobbing Cadaver -- Colin Winthorpe, "Titanic"
  11. Best Occupation for Your Character When Playing Opposite a Babe -- Leonardo DiCaprio's nude sketch artist, "Titanic"
  12. Fastest to be Dumped When Boyfriend Reached Stardom -- Minnie Driver, by Matt Damon
  13. Most Thorough Research by an Actor Who May Someday Play a Cowering Pretty-Boy Cellmate -- Robert Downey, Jr.
  14. Special "American Gigolo" Award -- James Brolin
  15. Vocal Performance from a Movie Soundtrack That Most Makes One Envious of Those Who Drowned in the Film Because They Never Had to Hear This Overdramatic Crap Over and Over -- Celine Dion, "Titanic"

...and the Number 1 Little-Known Oscar Nomination...

  1. Fullest Monty -- Dirk Diggler, "Boogie Nights"