S.KRAUSE

You Live in Portland if...

• You make $30,000 a year, yet still can't find a place to live.
• Two-thirds of the people you know are from California, yet there is no sun.
• Know the vast differences between Coffee People, Torrefazione, and Starbuck's.
• You can list more than five reasons why Starbuck's is evil.
• Every July 1st, it takes half a day to find your sunglasses and sunscreen.
• You blame anything that is not right on ex-Californians.
• You remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power for every winter weather event for the last five years.
• You know what and when the Columbus Day storm was. Bonus for having been there.
• You go to a coffee bar and see two guys get into a fight over who makes the best IPA.
• Own more than 10 articles of clothing that have microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
• You know that Boring is a place, not an adjective to describe your job.
• You can point in the direction of two or more volcanoes even though you can't see them due to clouds.
• You have a bookstore, coffee bar, and brewpub within walking distance of your house.
• You can give a 30-minute monologue on infill and the Urban Growth Boundry.
• You think downtown is 'scary' because you were panhandled there once.
• When you drive out of town, every other guy in a pickup truck looks the governor.
• When you drive out of town, even the Hondas have gun racks.
• You can name more than 10 kinds of berries and where to get them.
• You can name more than 10 beer styles and their hop profiles.
• When the weather gets above 50 degrees, you put on your shorts, but you still wear your hiking boots and parka.
• When the weather gets above 60 degrees, you replace your hiking boots with sandals.
• You think people who use umbrellas are wimps.
• You can recount more than five anecdotes why the east side is a crime-infested jungle,
  *OR*
  You can list more than five reasons why the west side is a boring, snobby, white-bread suburb.
• You know what is between the east side and the west side, and how to pronounce it.
• You know that Couch the street is not pronounced like the couch that you sit on.
• You are sitting at a red light surrounded by Subaru Legacy Outbacks.
• "Today's forecast, showers, followed by rain. Tomorrow: rain, followed by showers" doesn't faze you.
• You can't wait for a day with "showers and sunbreaks".
• You can go skiing after work.
• A tree or mudslide has ever damaged your house or car.
• You live equidistant to a symphony hall, a winery, and a volcano.