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Some Quickies

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, "Look it's shivering...it must be cold. What should I do?"

He says, "Put it between your legs."

She says, "What about the smell?"

He says, "Hold its nose."

One sperm says to the other sperm, "How far to the ovary?"

The other sperm says, "Relax. We haven't even passed the tonsils yet."

A lady goes for her first golf lesson.

The pro says, "You've got to hold the club like you hold your husband's organ."

She takes the club and hits the ball.

He says, "Beautiful. Perfect shot. Right down the fairway. Now take the club out of your mouth and we'll go for distance."

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says "You son of a bitch, those hormones you gave me are just a little too strong. I've got hair growing all over my titties". The doctor said, "Jeez, how far down does the hair go". She replies, "All the way down to my dick. And that's another thing..."

There was this kid one day who wanted a bike REALLY badly so he goes to his father and says, Dad, can I have a bike, PLEASE!

His father says to his son, is your dick long enough to touch the ground yet? The son replies, no, so the father says NO BIKE.

A few years later the son asks the father again and again his father wants to know his dick size. Again, it isn't big enough so he says no.

Finally a few years later the son goes to his father and says, Dad, can I have a bike, to which the father replies, is your dick long enough to reach the ground? The son happily says yes thinking finally he will get a bike.

The father replies, GOOD, now go fuck yourself!

A new lumberjack has just finished his first month in the wilds of Alaska, where there are no women for miles. He couldn't take it anymore, so he asks his foreman what the men do to relieve themselves sexually. The foreman says, "Try the hole in the barrel outside the shower, the men swear by it." The lumberjack tried it out and had the experience of his life. "Wow, thats fantastic," the lumberjack says, "I'm going to use it every day." "Everyday except Wednesday," says the foreman. "Why?" says the lumberjack. "Wednesday's your day in the barrel."

Two dogs are waiting in a Vet's office, a Pit Bull and a Great Dane. The Great Dane says to the Pit Bull, "So why are you here?"

"Well," says the Pit Bull, " I was sitting in my yard when this pretty young girl walked by. I couldn't control myself and I bit her, so they're going to put me to sleep."

"Oh" says the Great Dane."

"So why are you here?" asks the Pit Bull.

"Well,"says the Great Dane, "I was in the powder room with my mistres when she bent over to pick her towel up... Needless to say I couldn't control myself and I mounted her."

"Owwww," says the Pit Bull, "that's too bad , so they're going to put you to sleep too, huh..."

"No," says the Great Dane, "I'm only here to have my nails clipped."

The only good thing that the Internal revenue has not taxed is your pecker. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard-up, and 10% of the time it is employed but it operates in a hole.

However, it has two dependents and they are both nuts. Accordingly, after September 1, 1988 your pecker will be taxed on its size, using the 'pecker checker' scale below. Determine your category and insert the additional tax under "other taxes" page 2 part V, line c-1 of your standard income tax return(form 1040)


10" - 12"  Luxury Tax     $30.00

8"  -  9"  Hole Tax       $25.00
6"  -  7"  Privilege Tax  $15.00
4"  -  5"  Nuisance Tax   $00.00

NOTE: anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. Do not apply for an extension. Males with peckers in excess of 12" should file under "capital gains"

A boy goes up to his father and says "Dad, how do you spell clitoris ?" His father answers, "Gee son, I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue just a moment ago."

Why, in the traditional wedding picture, is the groom in a chair and the bride standing?
Because he's too tired to get up and she's too sore to sit down.
Why do the driver's education classes in West Virginia only use the car on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday the sex ed class has it.
And girls, do you know what to do if your Kotex catches fire?
Throw it on the ground and tampon it!