S.KRAUSE

The Theology of Toys

Capitalism

He who dies with the most toys wins.

Hari Krishna

He who plays with the most toys wins.

Judaism

He who buys toys at the lowest price wins.

Catholocism

He who denies himself the most toys wins.

Branch Davidians

He who dies with the biggest toys wins.

Anglican

They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox

No, they were ours first!

Atheism

There is no toy maker.

Polytheism

There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism

The toys made themselves.

Church of Christ, Science

We are the toys.

Communism

Everybody gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.

Baha'i

All toys are just fine with us.

Amish

Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism

The doll is just as important as the dumptruck.

Mormonism

Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo

Let me borrow that doll for a second.

Hedonism

Hang the rule book! Let's play!

Hinduism

He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals loses.

Seventh Day Adventist

He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses.

Church of Christ

He whose toys make music loses.

Baptist

Once played, always played.

Jehovah's Witness

He who sells the most toys door to door wins.

Pentecostalism

He whose toys can talk wins.

Existentialism

Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism

Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.

Non-Denominational

We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.

Agnosticism

It is not possible to know if toys make one bit of difference.

Lutheranism

Poor miserable sinners, unworthy to possess toys, but playing with them in all boldness.