S.KRAUSE

Poe Parodies

Several of Poe's poems (as well as those of other poets) have spawned various and sundry attempts at parody. The first poem here is a parody of "The Bells." The second and third, while parodies in some regard, are not meant to necessarily be humorous. Instead, they are attempts at "constrained writing", and both are rather clever. If you don't understand the particular constraints being used, feel free to ask me, or e-mail the author - both poems are by Mike Keith.

The Bells, parody


 Hear the flutter with his flute,
    Silver flute!
 Oh, what a world of wailing is awakened by his toot!
    How it demi-semi quavers
      On the maddened air of night!
    And defieth all endevours
    To escape the sound or sigh
   Of the flute, flute, flute,
   With its tootle, tootle, toot;
 With reiterated tooteling of exasperating toots,
 The long protracted tootelings of agonizing toots
   Of the flute, flute, flute, flute
      Flute, flute, flute,
 And the wheezings and the spittings of its toots.
    Should he get that other flute,
        Golden flute,
 Oh, what a deeper anguish will his presence institoot!
    How his eyes to heaven he'll raise,
     As he plays,
     All the days!
     How he'll stop us on our ways
     With its praise!
     And the people - oh, the people
     That don't live up in the steeple
     But inhabit Christian parlors
  Where he visiteth and plays,
     Where he plays, plays, plays,
     In the cruelest of ways,
    And he thinks we ought to listen,
    And expects us to be mute,
  Who would rather have the earache
    Than the music of his flute,
      Of his flute, flute, flute,
      And the tootings of his toot,
   Of the toots wherewith he tootleth its agonizing toot,
      Of the flute, flewt, fluit, floot,
      Phlute, fhlewt, phlewght,
   And the tootlem tootlem tooting of its toot.

                             [Anonymous]

---

alt.Poe.versifications.experimentalize!.AANVVVize!.do!

alt.dreary.night.was.abode.remained
        alt.forgotten.volumes.discarded.put-by.sat
alt.restless.naps.shaken-up.broken-thus.put-out
        alt.annoying."tap-ap".shocked.surprised.heard
        alt.disturbing-my-antedoor.traveler?.said.contradistinguished.queried
alt.incontrovertible.emptiness.was.continued.persisted

alt.icy.tempest.raged.O-remembered!.cried
        alt.internal-to-fireplaces.phantasms.pranced.flew.bedeviled
"alt.lost.soul.comes?.petitions?.is?
        alt.old.sweetheart.returns?.enlivens?.supernaturalizes?
        alt.near-impeccable.Lenore.is-striking?.knocks?.is-entreating?"
alt.alarming.stillness.continued.remained.lurked

alt.my.curtains.fluctuated.did-wave.trembled
        alt.my.being.did-fear.so-capitulated.wavered
alt.comforting.notion.arrived.refreshed.relieved
      "alt.so-unaccommodated.traveler.interferes.entreats.knocks
        alt.hoary.philosophizer.is-visiting.(is-all!).intercedes
alt.simple.matter!".said.uttered.pronounced

alt.unsettled.ego.enlarged.grew.rose
        alt.silent.apparition.perplexed.tried.vexed.
"alt.charitable.madam.inquires?.is?.is?
        alt.new.reinterpretations.be-right?.are-wrong?.misinform?
        alt.mute.apparition.announce!.characterize!.proclaim!"
alt.airy.darkness.intensified.reinterpenetrated.drew-close

alt.surrounded-by-darkness-then.I.questioned-it.queried.petitioned
        alt.a.nightmare.did-encroach.shook-me.intimidated
alt.unnameable.dread.waxed-great.increased.stayed
      "alt.most-pure.Lenore.is-at-threshold?".said.inquired
        alt.enigmatic.quiet.awed.terrified.did-disappoint
"alt.her.presence.a-troubling?".spoken.said

alt.wary.id.faltered.dithered.a-frightened
        alt.continued.rapping.heard.heeded.marked
alt.hasty.deduction."it's-she.taps.hits-window"
      "alt.discomfiting.quandary.will-explore.would-settle.will-decipher"
        alt.my.ear.did-examine.listened.paused
alt.blowing.blizzard.was-a-raging.shook-my-windows.disappointed

alt.determined.I.uncovered.unfastened.unlatched
        alt.indecipherable.raven.landed.came.alighted
alt.black.talons.rested.assembled-on.sat-down
        alt.damned.interloper.saw.eyed.observed
        alt.amused.I.maintained."will-pause"."will-sit"
alt.my.caller.nested.held.remained

alt.my.mystification.was.continued.was
        alt.raven's.expression.bemused.so-chafed.confounded
alt.my.wish.proceeded.particularized.interpolated:
        "alt.surname.tag.declare.do-tell.speak!"
    alt.haunting.visitor.maintained.vacationed.rested
alt.dreary."nevermores".voiced.did-supernaturalize.spoke

alt.vexating.creature.intercommunicated.said.ne'ermor'd
        alt.troubled.I.stood-by.considered.marvelled
alt.so-intriguing.blackbird.looked-on.remained-by.continued-on
        alt.front.door.disquieted.unsettled.a-twisted
        alt.a.raven.sat.looked.said
alt.his.chorus.related.repeated.reuttered

alt.my.raven.reflected.recognized.saw
        alt.lonely."nevermores".reiterated.intensified.did-say
alt.lugubrious.theme.was.discharged.spoke
      "alt.grim.creature.continue-on!.emancipate!.flee!
        alt.dismal.friend.float-on!.dematerialize!.withdraw!"
alt.vain.intercommunion.spoken.expressed.heard

alt.a.sentiment.rose.interpenetrated.promulgated
      "alt.raven's.proprietor.struggled.bled.did-die?
alt.perceptive.raven.watched-it.noticed.empathized?
        alt.sad.fellow.weeps.grieves.wails
        alt.sorrowful.raven.remembers.a-struggles.longs!"
alt.sad."nevermores".continued-on.constitutionalized.pained

alt.cheerlessly-visaged.one.ascended.uncompartmentalized.sat
        alt.an.answer.supplicated.desired.entreated
alt.how.I.speculated.gaped.conjectured
        alt.ungainly.raven.awed.troubled.interfered
        alt.ghastly.bird.laid.looked-on.sat
alt.croaked."nevermore".mystified.stayed-on.puzzled

"alt.kind.inamorata.waned.lapsed.expired!
        alt.yet-heavy.I.continue.languish.mourn
alt.Lenore's.charm.is-missing.is-gone.agonizes
        alt.exceeding.hopelessness.is.remains.perplexes
        alt.oft-yearning.I.remember.cry.supplicate!"
alt.impertinent."nevermore".said.resonated.soliloquized

alt."enigmatic.telepath!.(did-say.voiced.uttered)
      alt.shy.one.attend-me!.heed!.hark!
alt.satisfying.answer.grant.bestow.render
        alt.hop'd-for.liberation.conceive?.create?.experience?
        alt.my.misadventures.terminate?".said.expressed
alt.void.answer.was.persisted.vexed

alt.my.id.rose.mounted.was-angered
        alt.a.challenge.originated.emerged.persevered-on
"alt.a.respite.propagate!.bequeath!.confer!
        alt.continuous.teardrops.wipe!.dry!.receive!
        alt.melancholy.me!.relieve!.relieve!.sympathize!"
alt.bird's.cry.continued-on.overanaesthetized.overanathematized

alt.placid.it.inspected.sat.a-flitted
        alt.devil's.prophet.gazed-on.sat.tortured
alt.much.sorrow.floated.came.remained
        alt.a.question.rose.ensued.emerged
        alt.lovely.Lenore.surprises?.sits?.resurrects?
alt.being-a-cur.it.nevermored.nevermored.nevermored

alt."stark.wretch!".shrieked.remonstrated.shouted
        "alt.indecipherable.raven.go!.begone!.fly!
alt.pesky.wretch.dissociate!.withdraw!.go!
        alt.utterly.nothing.overlook.leave.neglect
        alt.soundly.I.say.tell:.go!"
alt.hateful.raven.nevered.nevered.repeated

alt.immediate.plight.illustrate.explicate.a-specify
        alt.sly.wretch.did-persist.overemotionalizes.agonizes
alt.sitting-by.I.pine.grieve.languish
        alt.imp's.eyes.infiltrate.penetrate.exasperate
        alt.contemptuous.it.sits.depresses.goads
alt.sad.soul.die.dilapidate.redisintegrate

---

            Poe, E.
      Near a Raven

Midnights so dreary, tired and weary.
    Silently pondering volumes extolling all by-now obsolete lore.
During my rather long nap - the weirdest tap!
    An ominous vibrating sound disturbing my chamber's antedoor.
        "This", I whispered quietly, "I ignore".

Perfectly, the intellect remembers: the ghostly fires, a glittering ember.
    Inflamed by lightning's outbursts, windows cast penumbras upon this floor.
Sorrowful, as one mistreated, unhappy thoughts I heeded:
    That inimitable lesson in elegance - Lenore -
        Is delighting, exciting...nevermore.

Ominously, curtains parted (my serenity outsmarted),
    And fear overcame my being - the fear of "forevermore".
Fearful foreboding abided, selfish sentiment confided,
    As I said, "Methinks mysterious traveler knocks afore.
        A man is visiting, of age threescore."

Taking little time, briskly addressing something: "Sir," (robustly)
    "Tell what source originates clamorous noise afore?
Disturbing sleep unkindly, is it you a-tapping, so slyly?
    Why, devil incarnate!--" Here completely unveiled I my antedoor--
        Just darkness, I ascertained - nothing more.

While surrounded by darkness then, I persevered to clearly comprehend.
    I perceived the weirdest dream...of everlasting "nevermores".
Quite, quite, quick nocturnal doubts fled - such relief! - as my intellect said,
    (Desiring, imagining still) that perchance the apparition was uttering a whispered "Lenore".
        This only, as evermore.

Silently, I reinforced, remaining anxious, quite scared, afraid,
    While intrusive tap did then come thrice - O, so stronger than sounded afore.
"Surely" (said silently) "it was the banging, clanging window lattice."
    Glancing out, I quaked, upset by horrors hereinbefore,
        Perceiving: a "nevermore".

Completely disturbed, I said, "Utter, please, what prevails ahead.
    Repose, relief, cessation, or but more dreary 'nevermores'?"
The bird intruded thence - O, irritation ever since! -
    Then sat on Pallas' pallid bust, watching me (I sat not, therefore),
        And stated "nevermores".

Bemused by raven's dissonance, my soul exclaimed, "I seek intelligence;
    Explain thy purpose, or soon cease intoning forlorn 'nevermores'!"
"Nevermores", winged corvus proclaimed - thusly was a raven named?
    Actually maintain a surname, upon Pluvious seashore?
        I heard an oppressive "nevermore".

My sentiments extremely pained, to perceive an utterance so plain,
    Most interested, mystified, a meaning I hoped for.
"Surely," said the raven's watcher, "separate discourse is wiser.
    Therefore, liberation I'll obtain, retreating heretofore -
        Eliminating all the 'nevermores' ".

Still, the detestable raven just remained, unmoving, on sculptured bust.
    Always saying "never" (by a red chamber's door).
A poor, tender heartache maven - a sorrowful bird - a raven!
    O, I wished thoroughly, forthwith, that he'd fly heretofore.
        Still sitting, he recited "nevermores".

The raven's dirge induced alarm - "nevermore" quite wearisome.
    I meditated: "Might its utterances summarize of a calamity before?"
O, a sadness was manifest - a sorrowful cry of unrest;
    "O," I thought sincerely, "it's a melancholy great - furthermore,
        Removing doubt, this explains 'nevermores' ".

Seizing just that moment to sit - closely, carefully, advancing beside it,
    Sinking down, intrigued, where velvet cushion lay afore.
A creature, midnight-black, watched there - it studied my soul, unawares.
    Wherefore, explanations my insight entreated for.
        Silently, I pondered the "nevermores".

"Disentangle, nefarious bird! Disengage - I am disturbed!"
    Intently its eye burned, raising the cry within my core.
"That delectable Lenore - whose velvet pillow this was, heretofore,
    Departed thence, unsettling my consciousness therefore.
        She's returning - that maiden - aye, nevermore."

Since, to me, that thought was madness, I renounced continuing sadness.
    Continuing on, I soundly, adamantly forswore:
"Wretch," (addressing blackbird only) "fly swiftly - emancipate me!"
    "Respite, respite, detestable raven - and discharge me, I implore!"
        A ghostly answer of: "nevermore".

" 'Tis a prophet? Wraith? Strange devil? Or the ultimate evil?"
    "Answer, tempter-sent creature!", I inquired, like before.
"Forlorn, though firmly undaunted, with 'nevermores' quite indoctrinated,
    Is everything depressing, generating great sorrow evermore?
        I am subdued!", I then swore.

In answer, the raven turned - relentless distress it spurned.
    "Comfort, surcease, quiet, silence!" - pleaded I for.
"Will my (abusive raven!) sorrows persist unabated?
    Nevermore Lenore respondeth?", adamantly I encored.
        The appeal was ignored.

"O, satanic inferno's denizen -- go!", I said boldly, standing then.
    "Take henceforth loathsome "nevermores" - O, to an ugly Plutonian shore!
Let nary one expression, O bird, remain still here, replacing mirth.
    Promptly leave and retreat!", I resolutely swore.
        Blackbird's riposte: "nevermore".

So he sitteth, observing always, perching ominously on these doorways.
    Squatting on the stony bust so untroubled, O therefore.
Suffering stark raven's conversings, so I am condemned, subserving,
    To a nightmare cursed, containing miseries galore.
        Thus henceforth, I'll rise (from a darkness, a grave) -- nevermore!

                        -- Original: E. Poe
                        -- Redone by measuring circles.